


Hesitant

by Kattwyllie



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Explicit Language, F/F, Fluff, Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:07:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26313895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kattwyllie/pseuds/Kattwyllie
Summary: Is set in like, Season 1 era. Olivia's new to the job, a younger age here.
Relationships: Olivia Benson & Reader, Olivia Benson/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	Hesitant

To say you’d been in love with Olivia Benson from the day you met her would be completely and totally accurate. You were bartending your way through college when she showed up at your bar, a sad smile on her face while she greeted you, drowning the sorrows of her first case with SVU in a few beers. It was a slow night, you had more than enough time to spend chatting with her, people always had a feeling to overshare to bartenders, and your bright smile and glint in your eye made it even easier for her. You were thankful for the fact that there were two of you on that night, cause you found yourself drawn to her, spending the night getting to know her instead of serving the other customers. When she’d eventually (and very reluctantly) asked for the bill you were quick to scribble your number on the bottom, telling her you’d love to hear from her someday soon. She’d given you a soft smile, tipping you above expected and making sure to hold onto the paper before leaving the bar. It was a few days until your phone pinged, and you couldn’t help the grin across your lips at the message.

 _‘Hey, It’s Olivia. Was wondering if you wanted to grab a drink tomorrow?_ You practically squealed at the thought, quickly replying that you’d love to, adding on a couple of location suggestions. You ended up meeting up at Dive 75, knowing they had games on the tables, an adequate way to beat around any awkwardness that could easily go alongside a first night together. You spent the evening laughing joyfully, exchanging small talk over games of crazy eights while you drank back a few cocktails. She was happy to actually be able to relax, finding solace in someone outside of the police industry, you were happy for the freedom of being able to openly be with her, not having to shield away at the way her hand grasped at yours, fingers interlocking, thumb rubbing across your hand while her eyes met yours. 

You managed to drag it out until last call, much later than you’d ever imagined, the game forgotten as you simply got lost in each other. Olivia was more than insistent on settling the bill, much to your distaste. You paused briefly outside the pub, mentioning that you had a great time, you knew the first time you liked her, but wasn’t sure if she was on the same page. Tonight however, you were 100% sure, especially as her hand that lingered in yours tugged you to her, lips meeting yours with the most ultimate softness, your body relaxed against hers, arms wrapping around her, a smile breaking free on your lips, trying to contain the giggle wanting to escape into the kiss. Olivia laughed at it anyways, looking down at your with adoration.

“Dinner next week?” She asked softly, a hand stroking your cheek, you smiled brightly at her.

“I’d love to.” You pecked her lips gently before the two of you made your separate ways, your heart swelling when you got a _‘Are you home safe?’_ text twenty minutes later. 

It was that easy for you to fall into a steady relationship with Olivia Benson, she may have been busy with work, but you were busy with school, usually saving the weekends for each other. She was thankful for the way you found your way to her apartment on Saturdays, finding it adorable the way you buried yourself in school work at the table, knowing just how important it was to you. She was quick to give you a loving kiss, always making sure you had proper food and drink before you’d bury yourself into her arms on the couch a few hours later, snuggling against her warm frame with ease.

It took a nearly a month before you’d slept together, the main thing keeping you apart being your schedules, not that either of you complained, you simply loved spending time together. You’d been at Olivia’s apartment, take out forgotten on the counter when she kissed you breathlessly and you simply couldn’t handle it anymore, wanting nothing more than the feeling of her skin against yours. It was the next morning, as you woke up in each others arms, smiles on each others faces that you couldn’t help it, you gave her a soft kiss, stroking her cheek gently.

“Liv…can I tell you something?”

“‘Course.” She kissed your nose in the most absolute sweetest gesture you could ever imagine.

“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you.” You giggled out, the grin spreading across her cheeks as she pulled you to her, lips meeting yours with such a gentle intimacy you could barely handle it.

“I love you too.” She whispered back, breath hot against your face, causing you to pull her into a deep kiss.

It was a few weeks later, you curled up against her on her couch while you marathoned another episode of How I Met Your Mother, it was one where Lily finally made it to Marshall’s family’s place. You snuggled deeper against her, humming in the feeling of her arm wrapping tighter around you.

“Am I gonna get to meet your family?” You murmured, not expecting the falter from the other woman.

“I..uh..I don’t really have any family…” Your head shifted up, meeting her eyes, brows furrowed at her response as she explained everything. You sat up, tugging her to you, giving her a gentle kiss, “M’sorry I asked.”

“S’okay.” She met your lips again softly, “What about you? You wanna bring me home to Mom and Dad?” She half joked, her demeanour immediately changing at the way you shrunk, avoided her eyes, finding your hands much more interesting than anything else in the room. “Y’N?” She questioned softly, hand tilting your chin up, making you meet her gaze.

“I…uh… they’re not exactly…accepting…” You managed out, “I was 13, I mentioned a girl from camp…Dad said I shouldn’t feel that way about girls, that I was disgusting…Mom thought it was a good time to use the wooden spoon on me…” Olivia felt the tears burst into her eyes, her hand cupping your cheek, not surprised at the fact that you could barely meet her eyes.

“Don’t you still live with them?”

“Yeah…” You choked, “I bullshitted, told them it was a mistake. I didn’t know what I was thinking, that it was some stupid phase…they usually think I’m at a friend’s if I’m not home.” You let out a shudder of a breath, “I hate it…I don’t wanna still be there but I need to finish college before I can afford rent.” Liv’s hand moved into your hair, her other arm wrapping around you in a tight hug, waiting for your breathing to regulate against her, letting you cry it out before she spoke again.

“Baby, you’re always welcome here, no matter what, know that.” You gave her a soft smile, followed by a soft kiss.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“All you needed to do was be you.” She smiled back at you, loving the soft look you gave her in response before you tugged her back to her bedroom.

It was a few months later, November rolled around, Thanksgiving festivities in full swing around the state. You honestly hated having to see your parents, but you had a few cousins that you loved more than life, and one that was stuck in a similar situation as you. You’d asked your parents if it was okay if your ‘friend’ Olivia came with you to dinner, explaining that she had no family left and they were at least acceptant of that. Pre drinks and dinner progressed smoothly, you did your best to keep your hands off your girlfriend, not that the lingering glances helped at all. It was after dinner, the rest of the family having cleared out, your Mom was in the foyer saying good night to her sister and the two kids when Olivia and you found a quiet moment together in the sitting room. The ever so soft giggle escaping your lips making Olivia fucking weak as you tugged you closer to her, loving the way your hand cupped her cheek, the way your other arm wrapped tightly around her waist,

You should have been more attentive, should have been smarter, knowing that your parents didn’t approve, that they were completely against you dating another girl, but you let your love for Olivia blind you, thinking they were distracted long enough for you to express your feelings to your girlfriend. 

“What the _fuck_ is going on in here?” Your father’s voice rang through the room as you jumped away from your girlfriend, terror etched across your eyes.

“Nothing I—“

“Don’t lie to me!” He was at you in a second, hand landing against your cheek, “I told you we don’t have these feelings in this house.” Olivia’s heart broke at the whimper escaping your lips.

“Hey! You don’t get to hurt her over this!”

“Oh please, cause you’re so special.” His hand barely met her jaw before she fired back at him, shoving him against the wall,

“NYPD asshole. You ever come near Y/N again and I’ll throw your ass in a cell before you can say lawyer.” Olivia was quick to pull you from the house, making sure you were across the street at her car before she cupped her hands around your face, forcing your eyes to hers, “Baby…are you okay?” You shuddered, ashamed completely that she’d seen the way your parents treated you over something so simple of being gay, how much they hated it.

“I dunno…” You choked out. Your voice cracking as she tightly wrapped her arms around your neck, pulling you to her, hand stroking softly against your back.

“We don’t ever need to come here again, you understand? They’re never gonna hurt you again my love, they can’t hurt you..” She felt her own resolve cracking, the image of your own Father hitting you forever engraved in her brain. How someone could treat their own child like that she’d never know, she held you tighter against her body, letting you cry out the years of emotion. 

“Thank you.” The watery cry came from against her shoulder, her hand gently moved under your chin, making your eyes meet hers.

“Baby, I would honestly die before anything happens to you. If either of them even think about touching you again I’ll slap them with assault charges so fast they won’t even know what hit them.”

“But..I…I can’t move out yet.”

“So? Move in with me.” She kissed you softly, “You’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, and you deserve so much happiness and love, and I know I wanna be with you.”

“Really?” You couldn’t hold back the tears anymore as they freely streamed down your cheeks.

“Of course.” Olivia’s lips met yours with a giggle, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

It was a few days later when you finally returned to your parents place to sneak out all of your belongings. Olivia honestly had a few squad cars on backup just in case, but your parents were both at work. You were thankful for the freedom, but more than thankful to be able to come home each night to your loving and trusting girlfriend, the thought of burying yourself into her arms each night made each day worth it, and you loved every second of it.


End file.
